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It is usually quite difficult to grasp the entire picture from everyone s perspective involved in an issue. The more complicated the more difficult, and this is as complicated as anything I have ever been involved in. Here s a few things that have stuck with me after the meeting. On listening to 12 - 13 year olds opinions regarding custody and visitation: It is very frustrating to be this age and think no one is listening. This is a very tough age. We are starting to think as adults, yet do not have the life experience to match our evolving minds. This is when it is crucial to have strong guidance on certain issues such as drugs, sex, faith, etc. You are very right in saying that a parent that has not been there up until this time is not going to be much help now.  If you don t have them by 12, you don t have them . However, this can be a time when one parent that wants to be  buddy and not parent can destroy the other parent child relationship. What teen would not side with the parent that lets them do anything, and scolds the other parent that is trying to discipline. This is what happened to me. On clear and convincing evidence: We desperately need to restore accountability to marriage and relationships. We all have times in our lives when we just do not want to do what is right. If there are no consequences to disregard right and wrong it is so much easier to go astray. For some without regard for right and wrong ,legal consequences are all that keep them straight anyway. And from my own experience once again, counseling only works when both parties want it to. It is extremely frustrating to try to work it out in counseling when you know your partner will say anything to make a goCHNKWKS JјџџџџTEXTTEXT6FDPPFDPP:FDPCFDPC<STSHSTSH>hSTSHSTSHh?ЂSYIDSYID BSGP SGP BINK INK "BBTEPPLC &BBTECPLC >BFONTFONTVBpSTRSPLC ЦB:PRNTWNPRC,FRAMFRAM,HˆTITLTITLДH6DOP DOP ъH.FATHERS Fathers Asking To Have Equal Rights www.kyfathers.org P.O. Box 80 Mayfield, KY 42066 270-748-0934 July 2, 2004 Judge Bill Cunningham P.O. Box 790 Eddyville, KY 42038 Bill, On behalf of FATHERS and myself, thank you for taking time out of you busy schedule to stop by our meeting last Monday. It takes a lot of grit after driving 200 miles to stop at a group like ours and take the heat for someone else s wrongdoing. Not only stopping by, but more importantly your attitude has earned you my respect and appreciation. We are on the same side in this, just in different places. This is a very worthy cause. We have over 100 in the group now, 80 or so are  official members . All of these people are hurting. And their children are hurting also. Some of us have been separated from our children quite possibly for life. And then to make an almost unbearable situation worse, we are labeled by court and society as the  bad parent , the  deadbeat dad . Very few look beyond the surface to see the facts of what really happens. The  deadbeat dad is the exception, not the rule to the overall number of single and divorced fathers. And for every one of us that stands up for our children there are many, many more that simply give up and quit. Beat down by odds that as one of the group s preachers put it,  If I knew you were in court over custody I wouldn t have even wasted my time praying for it, that s hopeless . We will be sponsoring at least 2 bills this next session. We hope to have them pre-filed by summer. I will send you their House and Senate assigned numbers when we get that far. I realize that by law you are limited on what you can do. Any input you can give would be taken seriously and greatly appreciated. It was very insod appearance, then do exactly the opposite outside of court and the counseling session. And then use their own children to fight their battles. These people are weak and more concerned about appearance to others. We can not instill in them a conscience. However, what is a slight embarrassment for someone that genuinely cares about the children, such as community service, is devastating to this type of person. If they can t decide on the little details such as little Timmy s birthday party, give them both community service and time to think about it. (Consequences to coming to court over trivial things.) They also understand money. Hit them in their pocket book. On making decisions based on life experience: This is what we all do everyday. Most people do not think about it. You learn from life more than any other way. If you pay attention you become wise. If not you just get old. This is in my opinion the root cause of most problems in the legal system today. You have sound life experience based on reason and hard work. Your marriage, family, and values are evidence of this. The Kentucky statutes are so vague and outdated regarding custody it leaves the majority of the decisions up to the judges personal opinions. And life experience dictates their rulings. The last two judges I have appeared before were women that have been divorced three times each. How can we expect fair rulings regarding divorce and custody from someone that does not know enough to hold their own personal relationships together? On getting behind in child support: I am one of the men who got laid off and did not file to have my child support reduced. This sounds like the reasonable thing to do. But look at it from the other side. If you are barely scraping by while you are working then get laid off, many of us don t have the money to go hire an attorney. Quite often we don t know how long we will be off, it could be 1 month, could be six months or more. And the last thing you want to spend what little money you have left on is to go and hire another ____ lawyer. They are one reason we don t have any money now. And most of us feel so betrayed by the court we don t see any reason to believe the court will do what is right now anyway. And finally, on old timers that would be to proud not to pay child support: You are absolutely right. 40 years ago a man would be ashamed not to pay his child support. At rallies and gatherings I have talked to these men. WWII vets, and etc. , of which my dad is one. These are stand up, men s men. They are the kind of man that would not hesitate to spank a child in public if necessary, (and now go to jail for it). The kind of man that if he caught his wife with another man, would kick that man s ass, (and go to jail for it). The kind of man that would stand up in court and say  my wife had an affair and you tell me it does not matter she still gets half of everything, and you, judge, will not even tell her how wrong she is, bull shit, (and go to jail for it). You stood in front of a room full of these men last Monday. Once again Bill, thank you very much for taking time to stop and speak with us. We look forward to solving this problem together. Sincerely, Mike East Vice President, FATHERS 1673 Hamburg Rd. Kevil, KY 42053 gether? On getting behind in child support: I am one of the men who got laid off and did not file to have my child support reduced. This sounds like the reasonable thing to do. But look at it from the other side. If you are barely scra>X|”Мжикіј$>lnz|ЎИ  d f ик*,ВДVDF’"в"P#R#Ж#%Д&2((***z*д/ж/v0b6d67h7j7€7‚7„7 7а7ђ7888јјјјјјјјєєЊЊЊєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєєє‚‚(2‚"'(Š  л)л @ЗS ЗJ2‚D' (Š: ХJ  Š• Oр +%( йu.0 žР78 c A@ (VJH э S |жикјl88юмЪмЪКŒК| "рŒ" . 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